Cantar De Procella

 Luke: Eh honey, kinda have a problem. Just checked my bank balance, I can't afford to come to yours on New Years, it's really low
 Fay P.: oh...
 Fay P.: ahm
 Fay P.: cancel the cinema tickets Luke
 Luke: No
 Luke: I'm not canceling your birthday present
 Fay P.: please? I'd rather spend some more time with you than that :/
 Luke: I've put money aside for that, that's already paid for. It's because I had to book my driving test yesterday
 Fay P.: But, you can get me something small, or even nothing,i don't mind
 Fay P.: VIP seats, train fares..
 Fay P.: cancel it, and let's just spend some time together here, please?
 Luke: No, fay it's your birthday present. I told you I already had that money set aside, I am NOT canceling them
 Fay P.: ok tehn send my christmas presents back
 Luke: No. Just give me a minute
 Luke: Honey we'll just have to stay at mine, I can't see any way around it. I'm sorry, but we can still have time to ourselves like you wanted, and once I get the money back from Lee and I pay in the lot I get for christmas I'll be back on track
 Fay P.: ahm...money from Lee?
 Luke: I lent him some before we met to buy a laptop, he owes me £75 but I told him to keep it until I passed my test and my insurance went up
 Fay P.: meh we shouldn't have bought all those christmas presents
 Fay P.: seriously,send mine back
 Luke: It's fine honey, just saying I won't be able to go to yours for new years, I still want to spend it with you but it'll have to be in birmingham
 Fay P.: how much are the bus tickets?
 Luke: Altogether it's about £35 for me. Look I know you wanted to spend it alone, but trust me when I say we'll get time to ourselves
 Fay P.: I'll pay the tickets.
 Luke: No, I don't want you paying for me, you've lost a lot this month because you were ill
 Fay P.: I'll manage
 Luke: Fay I said no, you're not paying for me
 Fay P.: I'm not missing out spending time alone with you for 35 pounds ok?
 Luke: We'll have time alone, you are not paying for me. Seriously Fay if you do I will be annoyed
 Fay P.: why? :(
 Luke: I don't like you paying for things like this, please Fay. Come on either the Saturday or the Sunday and just stay with me, we'll have time alone I promise. I've already planned it so we end up having most of Christmas eve alone
 Fay P.: Give me some time okay? I need to think
 Fay P.: Luke, are you sure this is just about money?
 Luke: If I was swimming in money I'd be more than happy to go
 Fay P.: If this is your way of telling me you'd like to spend the entire festive season with your family,you can tell me...
 Luke: It would be nice but I was looking forward to going to yours for new years, but I just can't afford it honey I'm sorry
 Fay P.: sorry lost ya, what would be nice?
 Fay P.: staying with your family?
 Luke: It would be nice to spend the entire season with my family, it's a time of year for that sort of thing, but I promise I was looking forward to spending it with you in Fareham, I honestly just can't afford it
 Fay P.: Yes,I get it
 Fay P.: If you don't have the money you don't have the money,simple as
 Fay P.: Apart from that
 Fay P.: just...
 Fay P.: you're too caught up in your family, Luke..
Fay P.: this isn't about Christmas or New Year's, this is general
 Fay P.: you're too into it,to the point where sometimes I actually worry you don't even see it
 Luke: Worry how? Fay, I know we've spoken about this before but this is who I am, Ashley said it the first time you met, I'm also really into my friends, I split my attention equally. How exactly is it worrying for you?
 Fay P.: It's worrying for me cause I see you putting aside your own needs
 Fay P.: and I care about you too much to pretend I don't see it
 Fay P.: and what really grips my heart in fear is that I'm afraid that when one day you realize you're putting your life aside here, you'll find out you've wasted time
 Fay P.: precious,time
 Fay P.: families are fine and dandy, but it's our destiny to open our wings, Luke
 Fay P.: as human beings I mean
 Luke: Elaborate, what exactly are my own needs?
 Fay P.: That's a question for yourself .. not me..
 Luke: So, how do you know that I'm putting my own needs aside for my family?
 Fay P.: Unless you mean that you're adamant your sole need is your family and friends
 Fay P.: Cause I've seen how you are, I don't know the details but I see you and you change
 Fay P.: you're more tense, like a weight is on you
 Fay P.: the only time i ve really seen you relax and be yourself and playful and care free is when we re alone
 Luke: That's only half true, I'm a bit on edge around grand parents and such, and I can't really relax around them, but when I'm with the kids or my parents I am just as relaxed and enjoying myself as when I am alone with you
 Fay P.: or with your friends
 Fay P.: I don't know, I see something different
 Fay P.: I get the feeling you do your absolute best to take care of them and what they need,try make them happy, and you don't spend enough time to even figure out what YOU want and what YOU need and put your energy there
 Fay P.: and yes, you're right, it's not by chance that's the same thing your friends say
 Luke: But what if I feel my needs are to be close with my family, because I get strength from them and I enjoy being with them? We had this discussion before Fay and I hated it because it felt like you were trying to push me away from them, and in all honesty it did have an effect that I didn't like, I don't want to go through that again
 Fay P.: I cannot push you away from your family Luke,no one can do that unless you allow it
 Fay P.: What effect did it have?
 Luke: I dont want to talk about it anymore honey, let's just stop
 Fay P.: Okay,I just need to ask a question : in all that, where do I fit in? Cause, honestly,I'm starting to feel like there's no place for me there..If your family covers everything you need,then...I'm redundant..
 Luke: Is that why you bought it up? And why every now and then I feel like I'm being pushed away from my family a little?
 Luke: You're worried about us
 Fay P.: Yes,I am. Plus, please don't say it like that...it's the natural course of things,when you meet someone and get in a relationship,your focus shifts. It doesn't mean you don't care about your parents any more, but ofc it will change
 Fay P.: We're not kids any more, our families are not our entire world,we form our own relationships and we choose the people we want around us, that's the way it should go
 Fay P.: Please say something...?
 Luke: I don't want to talk about this Fay, my family mean the world to me, but we both know you're not going to be left out in the dark, I don't understand why you bought it up. I do everything I can to be with you, and it hurts me that you think you're going to be thrown aside for my family
 Luke: You should have seen by now that I put you first 99% of the time
 Fay P.: No, no, that's not what I mean
 Fay P.: it's hard to explain ,esp when we talk like this
 Fay P.: and,when you say you don't wanna talk about something so serious...
 Fay P.: then, what?
 Fay P.: we just ignore it?
 Luke: We've had this discussion before honey, and I thought back then that I had proven to you that I put you first, so how come you feel that I don't?
 Fay P.: Matia mou, it's not that. It's these two things :
 Fay P.: 1. I feel that you're trying to make me a part of your family, assimilate me in it if you want.
 Fay P.: 2. Why do you want me, if your family covers all your needs?
 Luke: I'm not trying to assimilate you into my family, but you need to also make the effort when it comes to them. They're a big part of my life and you know that, it's not going to go away and you need to just put the effort into it. And I love you honey, I want you because you make my happy and I've told you and I would have thought shown you by now
 Fay P.: But, I thought we agreed not to rush things, how can I now go ahead and start building -even small- relationships with your family? I'm still trying to build a relationship with you, build us if that makes sense, how can we start talking about your family and all that when we ourselves are only now starting to really get to know each other? I don't get it...
 Luke: We've been together for 5 months, you've met my family twice. I know it's not suitable considering how far apart we live and all, but compared to most relationships that is a very small amount. Look Fay, this has gone from a discussion about me not being able to afford to travel to yours for New Years, to a discussion about how my family is apparently more important than you, or how I feel you're not doing this and that to build a proper relationship with them
 Luke: Can we just stop please, this has seriously derailed
 Fay P.: But,they're all connected, can't you see it?
 Luke: If I look at it from the other side of the fence, instead of it being about me being able to afford it and look at it that you just don't want to spend new years in Birmingham then yeah I can see a connection between it all
Fay P.: Right.
 Luke: But for me, I don't see how not having enough money to go away is connected to my family. It's not their fault
 Fay P.: It's not, that's why I said Earlier :
 Fay P.: [07 December 2012 19:32] Fay P.:

<<< Yes,I get it
If you don't have the money you don't have the money,simple as
Apart from that
Fay P.: That discussion brought the other thoughts, those thoughts are connected between them, that's what I mean.
 Fay P.: One thing leads to another, that's how conversations go, and if they derail, there's always a reason,may be they go deeper
 Luke: Right I get what you meant, rather than being linked it was a matter of they could easily jump
 Luke: Yeah sorry, I thought you meant it differently
 Fay P.: Well, the way I see it, you want me closer to your family,I want you closer to me and only me
 Fay P.: so we gotta find some compromise here
 Luke: Fay, things would be entirely different if you were close to your family, but you've had a different family life style to me. Do you really think that if you were closer to your family, you wouldn't be the same?
 Fay P.: There was a time I was so caught up in my family you wouldn't believe it, Luke
 Fay P.: I was the designated adult in there, actually. I took care of them, emotionally, instead of the way it should be in a family.
 Fay P.: I made sure they were okay, trying to make them happy.
 Fay P.: Trying to create the atmosphere I needed, rying to hold the family together. And was so caught up in it I didn't see it.
 Fay P.: I love my parents, a lot.
 Fay P.: But I'm an adult.
 Fay P.: I don't need them to be okay.
 Fay P.: And  I had to learn that
 Fay P.: I had to pull away, if you want
 Fay P.: which is only natural actually, you know, individualization and all that
 Luke: Look, when the time comes I'll pull away from my family, when I feel it is time, but until then Fay you need to make an effort to build a relationship with at least my parents and sister. They're the closest to me other than the kids, you need to put the effort into it
Fay P.: I thought that, accepting to meet them so soon in summer and having spent all that time in their home showed that at least I'm trying...
 Fay P.: Luke, if I had it my way, I wouldn't have met your parents unless we were getting married
 Fay P.: Do you understand?
 Fay P.: Unless. We were Getting.Married.
 Fay P.: Do you see the huge step I took?
 Fay P.: ANd even now I'm not sure I did the right thing tbh, but I did it.
 Luke: You should have told me that back then, I knew it was a big deal but not like that. Fay, that NEVER happens in relationships for me, admittedly it may have been a little early but for me only about a month
 Fay P.: Well,I make a point of staying away from families and all that until I'm sure I have a solid relationship.
 Fay P.: You told me you don't want to rush, that I should stop pushing you about moving here and job and all that
 Fay P.: I heard you. I still hear you.
 Fay P.: DOn't ask me to rush either, Luke
 Luke: Ok fine, I won't
 Fay P.: It's the nature of the...err...
 Fay P.: state we re in right now
 Fay P.: meaning the distane and you living with your parents etc that made me think that,if I don't do it,I don't get to see you
 Fay P.: so I had to do it
 Fay P.: so I still do it
 Fay P.: and, in my eyes, that shows an effort
 Luke: Ok, I understand that's fair enough
Fay P.: oka ^^
 Luke: ^^ And that made me tired