Cantar De Procella

I said : "Don't get too close. It's dark inside. It's where my demons hide".
He said : "Get too close. There's a hell inside of me. It's where your demons can live".
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It's hard to describe.
Something has..settled.
Inside.
I'm satisfied with where I am professionally,I make enough money to enjoy some luxuries, I'm taking the necessary steps to potentially earn more.
My health is stable.
I'm not really satisfied with my living conditions sinche sharing isn't really my thing, but nothing too horrible I can't tolerate.
I've started crossing things off my bucket list.
Yes,I have one now.

Still alone.
With short breaks.

Feels more like..acceptance.
I don't think I'll have a family.
I don't think I want one.
I don't think I'll find someone to "spend my life" with.
I think I'm finally starting to accept that all the myths and fairytales I was fed as a young adult were..well,just that.
Fairytales.

I'm beginning to accept that being alone may not be such a terrible thing after all.
Been doing it long enough.
I keep trying, but it's...different.
My expectations are set to a minimum.

I don't get angry so much any more.
Not at myself, not at others.
For the first time, I manage to laugh at myself and not take her too seriously.

I mean...I've tried it all. Psychotherapy, self imrpovement, experimentation etc etc etc.

To no avail.

So,I figure, I'll just..live my life.
It gets lonely,yes, no doubt about that.
But,well.
Can't think of what else to do,so.
I'll travel.
I'll keep crossing things off my bucket list.

And that's about it.



And it will somehow be alright.