Cantar De Procella

-You knew it wasn't gonna last.
-...
-You knew it. From when you initiated the whole thing, you knew. No bullshit now.
-Okay,I did. How do - you- know?
-Well,I've lived enough to know that you don't love at 24 the way you do at 37. And that you don't want the same things either - and it's normal. And I know what you were thinking, I know the moment you saw him you were thinking "I know this won't last long, but I need you now, I need you to get me by, so I'm gonna give me what I need".
-...
-Don't deny it. The tough part is somewhere along the line you fell in love with him. Of sorts.
-"Of sorts"???
-Mhm hm. There was always a little voice inside you, knowing he could never give you what you need. Not just the whole companionship thing, but mentally too. He even tried telling you, to his credit, when he told you he could never be as deep or as mentally stimulating as you. And your brilliant reply was "I just need you to love me". I was impressed by that one,I was.You do wish it was true wasn't it?
-I...
-Shhh,I'm not judging you sweetie.I knew you'd have liked it to work. But we both know that ever since you decided, four years ago, that you will try and learn to relate, there's been a part of you that intentionally went for younger men to give you a chance to catch up. And I understand that.And you've been learning a lot, I'll give you that. But you have a lot of catching up to do don't you?
-If you're gonna make me feel like I'm still not enough, not adequate to have a proper relationship simply fuck off and die. I'm done with that, I'm done, do you hear? I simply cannot do this any more, I don't wanna beat myself up like EVERYTHING is my fault, it's not goddamn it, I'm responsible, but that's it, C. is right, I gotta stop being a martyr! I cannot go on like that, I know it motivates me but I don't want it any more, I'm gonna find something else to feed me emotionally, a dream if I'm lucky.
-OKay,I'm sorry,that wasn't my intention. The things is, I know very well what you're worth, I know you have a heart of gold,and that you have an uncanny ability to make the things you want to happen, happen. I'm not sure you know it, though.
-Har har har, let me laugh out in bitterness. That's why I'm still alone. Please.
-Are you telling me that if you set your mind to it, you think you can't change that?
-Are you fucking kidding me??? These are people we're talking about, not plants! You cannot make someone love you, that's a universal truth, come on! Even you should know that!
-Even me? Ouch...
-Oh come off it. Daemon indeed.
-I am what you make me sweetie. I'm here to serve. If you need me to be a daemon,I'll be it, if you need me to be an angel,I'll be it too. Whatever it takes to get you going, to set you back on your feet. You create me, after all.
-Nice one.
-Indeed. Now get off your ass, self pitty doesn't suit you. You already have that little other stepping stone awaiting in Greece, let's see how that one goes hmm? Steadily moving on indeed.
-I hate it when you do this, why do you always try make me look like a fucking manipulator? Why do you try so hard to make me look like I'm playing games, the most dangerous kind, and with myself too, and try make me feel like a schemer? Fuck off already! I try make the most out of the opportunities I get, or even create those opportunities myself, true, but I put my heart and soul into it damn it, I love, I ache, I don't play mind games! Why does everything have to tear me apart in order for you to feel sated and leave me alone already? WHY DOES THE PRICE ALWAYS HAVE TO BE BLOOD?
-I'm a daemon, what did you expect, hugs and kisses?
-Yeah, you know what? That would be a fucking good idea! Stop taking you seriously, stop feeding you, laugh in your face so you can just bugger off! If you're here to feed on my flesh and blood so you can give me the push I need, then seriously, fuck off and die! I want LOVE, do you hear me? I want love and light to motivate me,not you,enough, ENOUGH,I just wanna bathe myself in love and grow that way,following THAT way, with understanding, love, compassion, small touches in the soul to stir me in the right direction, not this...carnage!
-[weak] You need me..
- Do I? Do I really?
-...
-I choose, love.
-Fay...
-I. Choose. Love. Remember the proverb with the two wolves? The dark and the light one? The one that wins is the one you feed! So begone! Until you learn how to drive with light, with understanding and compassion, I don't need you.


Μ' έχεις γαμήσει λέμε! ΑΡΚΕΤΑ!
Βούτα τ' όνειρο και πάμε. Όσο κι ό,τι προλάβουμε, κέρδος θά' ναι. Και θα βρεθούν συνοδοιπόροι, ίσως όχι με την μορφή που τους θέλουμε, αλλά θα βρεθούν, στους σωστού κύκλους και καιρούς.




Απίστευτο πράγμα τα emotional constructs.
Για άλλη μια φορά, ταπεινώνομαι από το μεγαλείο της ανθρώπινης φύσης.
Τρομερό και υπέροχο συνάμα, αλλά μεγαλείο.



Βέβαια, παίζει και το ενδεχόμενο απλά να είμαι τρελλή!