Friday, April 22, 2011
Burn.
Polla xronia prin,kamia dekaetia kai vale...Eixe gyrisei tote h daskala mou kai eixe pei,s'emena,se kapoion allon,den thymamai...Eixe pei na pareis ena kommati xarti,na grapseis kati to opoio se provlimatizei kai meta na katseis mprosta ston kathrefti,na koitakseis ton eafto sou kai na valeis fwtia sto xarti. Htan kati san askhsh,den mas eipe pote ti ypotithetai oti mathainame me afth thn askhsh h ti ekane akrivws.
To xa kanei tote,alla den katalava kai tipota. Den eniwsa kamia diafora. Xronia meta,gia thn akriveia,perysi pou xwrisa me ton Alex,ena apo ta prwta pragmata pou ekana htan na parw ekeino to xarti pou mou eixe dwsei me to "gramma" tou,kai na to kapsw teletourgika sto mpanio. Ekei eniwsa gia prwth fora kati,to theama ekeinou tou xartiou na kaigetai me eixe magnhtisei.
Exthes,to xasa. Ekei pou to xa mia xara,kai ti wraia pou eimastan kai poso kala pername oles aftes tis hmeres,irthe o daimonas tou avrio na mou trivelisei to myalo. Me phre to synaisthima svarna kai...nai. Proxthes egrapsa kati,se ena kommati xarti,kai to vala sthn tsanta mou. Den iksera an tha to edina ston Elan pote h oxi. In the course of the next day,kapoia stigmh,m epiase pali. Twra pou plhsiazei h wra tou na fygw,m epiase to ti tha ginei meta. Logiko,den lew. Den me kathgorw ki oute mou thymwnw. Alla to xasa re gamwto...poso efkolo einai telika. Rwthsa ton Elan kapoia pragmata,gia to pws to vlepei,pws/an mas vlepei,kai egine mia kouventa gia to ti thelei o kathenas,gia ton eafto tou prwta kai meta ap ton kathena mas. Kai,ok,thn ekana thn malakia. Hmouna sigourh oti egw thelw na eimai mazi tou kai ti wraia ti kala,to xa to senario sto myalomou hdh. Kai tsoup,vgazw kai tou dinw kai to xarti. To diavase o anthrwpos kai me agkaliase,ti na kane. Mou pe,me ton tropo tou kai opws mporouse,pou vrisketai aftos. Ton akousa alright. Kai opws ton akouga,syneidhtopoiousa oti to synaisthima mou eixe fygei,to xa proxwrhsei mesa mou,pws na sto pw...Phge na mou vgei h anagkh...Alla to varos sto stithos mou eixe arxisei hdh na kanei thn emfanish tou. Otan pesame gia ypno,yphrxan fores pou den mporousa na anapnefsw kala. Kai ekei mou pathsa tis fwnes. O Elan katalavaine oti kati me apasxolei,kai fysika me rwthse..ti na tou lega to kerato mou mesa..Eipa dyo pragmata,o,ti mporousa telos pantwn..Edeixne na katalavainei,kai pros timhn tou,den mou pe malakies,mou lege thn alitheia. To piase omws. Ekei pou eimastan ki oi dyo kommatia,half asleep already,gyrise kai mou pe oti ekeinh thn stigmh tou rthe sto myalo ena tragoudi pou tou tragoudouse h mhtera tou otan htan mikros,ena tragoudi lyphtero,to opoio milage gia apoxwrismo kai kryo kai monaksia. Den mporouse na katalavei giati tou xe erthei afto to tragoudi ekeinh th stigmh sto myalo alla egw hksera alright. Tou eipa oti katalavainw,ton filhsa sto magoulo kai koimithikame.
Ksypnhsa monh mou stis 6mish to prwi. Classics. Ton psilo ksypnhsa ki afton. Eixa tromaksei,den iksera an ton exw xasei h ti skata ginetai..Mhn ta polylogw,he didn't shy away from my touch,but he wasn't exactly welcoming either. To piasa,kai akousa thn fwnh sto kefali mou pou ourliaze na kanw pisw. And that's what I did. Mou phre ligh wra mexri na to vrw,alla telika sikwthika,estripsa ena tsigaro ap ta kommena gia vitrina,phra to xarti me afta pou eixa grapsei,vgika eksw,kai tou evala fwtia. Kathomouna kai to parakolouthousa na kaigetai kai,ma thn panagia,afto kaigotane ki egw arxisa na anapnew kanonika siga siga. H katharsi pou emperiexei afth h kinhsh,einai pragmatika apistefth. I just..burnt my fears and my agonies away,in a very symbolic but highly meaningful gesture. Den agnoisa thn anagkh mou,thn eida,thn katalava,kai thn dioxetefsa alliws.
Otan ksanampika mesa,o Elan htan akoma sto krevati. Mou rikse mia monadikh matia kai meta me fwnakse na paw s ekeinon. Aporhmenh,ton plhsiasa. Me vouthkse kai arxise na me filaei. I couldn't fucking believe it. Pes mou esy meta gia perception. Ton afhsa,anakoufismenh,kai anoiksa ton ypologisth. I just had to blog. Twra pou grafw,mas ftiaxnei prwino.
Na deis pou tha kataferw na koimithw kiolas.
;)
