Cantar De Procella

[13:37:42] Fay P.: Right,so. I gotta tell you these,cause I've spent enough time with this eating me up. If you had been honest from the beginning, and had told me you needed advice for your gf, instead of playing it like it was for a "very good friend", I'd have instantly told you "no". And also be aghast at your nerve.Which I am now anyway. By the time you revealed, and even then,indirectly,that what you wanted to talk about was about your gf,I was too far in the "omg that poor girl,ofc I'll do my best" land. Was too late,was already feeling for her. But you knew I'd have said "no", you knew I would be uncomfortable with this. So you tried to sugarcoat it. May be in some way you thought you were sugarcoating it for my sake,to not make me feel bad. But the truth is, you put your need,above anything else. And I ended up feeling stupid and used.To make a long story short : don't you dare come to me again,for anything that has to do with your current or any future gf. And if you cannot understand why, then I'm really sorry for you.
[13:53:07] Rhanite: No I completely understand and I own it. It was completely unintended manipulation, but manipulative notheless and way out of line.

If you feel stupid and used - well... that is on you. I went to a friend I trust and respect deeply for advice - just as I am willing to render in any capacity I can to any of my friends. Based that initial advice (protect yourself), I layed out the remaining facts to get a more complete picture and better understand a matter with the full assumption that you would tell me to fuck off if you were uncomfortable - something I recall remarking on at least once during the conversation and saying you were free to end it if you wanted to (long sentence).

It saddens me to hear that you since took offense at it - no slight was intended.

But as you request then, I will not bring such matter to you again.
[13:56:34] Rhanite: Hm, allow me to amend the "out of line" part. what I guess I want clarified then is - what is the nature of our association, if not friendship. I do not feel out of line in asking advice from a friend, regardless of the nature of that advice. If the friend in question does not with to discuss it, then I completely respect that, as I expect the reverse to be true.
[13:57:01] Rhanite: I will concede that in hindsight it was unintentionally insensitive.
[13:59:19] Rhanite: Theres a larger debate in this, I feel - one that seems worth addressing when and if time and inclination allows.
[14:00:45] Fay P.: Finished?
[14:01:32] Rhanite: Passing the ball back, yes
[14:05:39] Fay P.: The nature of our association,is that of two people who at some point spent some time together.I don't hate you,I want you to be okay in your life,that's about it.
[14:07:34] Rhanite: Yeah, that's mutual. We seem to be on the same page.
[14:11:00] Rhanite: I fear you may have read more maliciousness into my query than it in reality contained. I don't know about you, but I don't plan out the details of my conversations unless I'm trying to impress for a job interview or pass an exam. I kept the initial half of the conversation general and nonspecific for confidentialities sake - but based on your following response, the immediately best course of action seemed to be full disclosure to refine and get closer to the answer I sought.
[14:11:44] Rhanite: If it makes any sense, I understand what has you irate, but I don't agree with it.
[14:12:20] Rhanite: Hence why I am loath to apologize for something I do not feel requires an apology, lest it be an excercise in placating you - which in turn is more deception than honesty
[14:12:58] Fay P.: Oh I'm sure. I'm certain you didn't do this on purpose,to hurt me or anything like that. You just never stopped to think "woa,hold on a second,is Fay the person I should go to for this ? Really? I mean...she's kinda my ex,you know? You don't go to your ex to seek advice for your current,you just don't do that".
[14:13:57] Fay P.: And then, you also tell me I should have stopped you since it felt uncomfortable,when I've already told you that I was already feeling too much for that girl,and second,I got a soft spot for you,I find myself unable to do things I do easily with others in your case.
[14:14:04] Fay P.: So please.
[14:14:22] Rhanite: Fair point, I would never be so audacious as to ask for like... courtship advice or something.
[14:15:06] Fay P.: Mhm,I'm pretty sure you thought along the lines of "mental disorders...crikey..who do I know that knwos about this stuff..Fay! Sure,I'll ask her".
[14:16:50] Rhanite: You are obviously among (but not the sole claim to, don't go getting a big head now) the people I would be liable to ask the professional opinion from - with regards to psychology.
[14:17:40] Rhanite: But if you want me to no longer include you in that bracket and leave you be for it, then I'll do so
[14:18:49] Fay P.: I made myself very clear,Elan. Anything that has to do with your romantic escapades,I want nothing to do with. If I had it my way,I'd make sure I remain blissfuly ignorant.
[14:24:32] Rhanite: Understood.
While we're at this specific emotional tension, may I ask then what you would prefer, because it often feels like walking barefoot on glass and holding my breath all at once.
[14:25:32] Rhanite: It appears that we're not 'friends' in the sense that we can share good times and bad.
But nor does it immediately seem like there's a distinct wish to cut ties.
[14:26:29] Rhanite: Relaxed acquaintances? We can talk amiably, but nothing of particular substance.
[14:26:44] Rhanite: I'm trying to understand the guidelines or find some manner of resolution - for both our sakes.
[14:27:05] Fay P.: You're asking for a recipe.
[14:27:07] Fay P.: There ain't one.
[14:27:16] Fay P.: Welcome to the awkward land of adulthood.
[14:27:23] Fay P.: We take it as it comes, with the good and the bad.
[14:27:27] Fay P.: Till one day,we find balance.
[14:28:14] Rhanite: I'm not asking for a recipe, I'm asking for a reasonable shot at things.
[14:28:31] Rhanite: I have more than enough uncertainity allready, as do you.
[14:29:58] Rhanite: And it pisses me off, to be frank, to have good days ruined because I accidentally phrased or said something in a way that was never intended as such and subsequently one or more days later have to recieve a guilt-loading reprimand for. It feels terribly passive-aggressive and I don't have alot of patience for it. It's almost as bad as the 'cold treatment'
[14:30:43] Fay P.: What?
[14:30:49] Fay P.: It pisses YOU off?
[14:30:55] Fay P.: How fucking dare you.
[14:31:29] Fay P.: You know what,fuck this. If you cannot understand WHY YOU DON'T DO what you did, then I got nothing to say!
[14:32:09] Rhanite: Hang on now -
[14:32:48] Fay P.: I can't, my heartbeat's gone through the roof,and I simply can't.
[14:32:53] Rhanite: I was in the process of phrasing that -
[14:33:01] Fay P.: Ruining your day huh?
[14:33:04] Fay P.: Pissingyou off?
[14:33:22] Fay P.: I ve spent three days thinking about this and how the fuck did  I allow it to happen!
[14:33:34] Fay P.: And you dare come to me and tell me it pisses YOU off?
[14:34:00] Fay P.: When I've tried my fucking BEST to be there for you,even if it was consuming my time and energy?
[14:34:04] Fay P.: Whatever,seriously
[14:34:58] Rhanite: That was poorly phrased - and immature of me too to let that out. That I am sorry for.
[14:36:32] Rhanite: I let slip and stooped to immaturity there - frustratingly impressive since one would think I had the time to consider things rationally.
[14:38:06] Fay P.: Elan,your fucking ego man,seriously
[14:38:41] Fay P.: You can't have it both ways,get it?
[14:38:55] Fay P.: You don't get to dump me and then have access to what  I can give.
[14:39:06] Fay P.: You made your choice,so did I.
[14:39:26] Fay P.: For the first time ever, I tried to actually NOT leave for a fucking change after sthg romantic didn't work out
[14:39:35] Fay P.: and I did that cause I was hoping it COULD be different
[14:39:43] Fay P.: that somehow we d manage it
[14:39:48] Fay P.: cause yeah,you were worth it
[14:39:58] Fay P.: but I don't know any more
[14:40:57] Fay P.: You don't get to tell me I'm ruining your anything,or making you feel bad about anything,acting like a spoiled brat,and not stopping to think how -I- feel in all this,ESPECIALLY when I'm trying to tell you!
[14:41:18] Fay P.: And then also try hide it behind being immature,I mean,seriously.
[14:42:00] Rhanite: Hold on now - there's nothing about 'hiding' beghind immaturity. It IS immature - and that itself is more than bad enough.
[14:42:35] Rhanite: Being an immature and self-centered asshole not exactly an aspiration.
[14:43:55] Rhanite: slipping up and stooping to it is unacceptable BECAUSE as an aspiring good person, I should know better
[14:44:22] Rhanite: Particularly when it leads to hurting someone who deserves anything but
[14:45:48] Fay P.: Yeah,okay,I am fully aware of what I am and what I give and what I'm worth,thank you very much. Okay the latter one,still working on it admittingly,but getting there. You mean all that stuff you say? Fucking act on it. How? By pausing for a freaking minute to think of the consequences of your actions.
[14:46:11] Fay P.: Pretending to be emotionally thick is getting old.
[14:46:21] Fay P.: And I'm outta here for now,I need to cool off.
[14:47:01] Rhanite: Noones pretending to be emotionally thick. Nor does one necessarily control when a flare of that same emotion leads to a rash action.
[14:49:48] Rhanite: Pausing to think on every single action led to an enclosed, lonely and paralyzed existence. The alternative means occasional falliability.
[14:50:42] Fay P.: Not for everyone god damn it!
[14:51:05] Fay P.: Do I have to even spell this out?? YOU CHOOSE!
[14:51:15] Fay P.: THAT'S how you show who you TRULLY care about!
[14:51:23] Fay P.: If you care about someone, THEN you pause to think!
[14:52:13] Rhanite: Do you have utter and complete control over your own emotions in all situations and are ALWAYS and without fail able to step bac, take a breath and appraise the situation rationally, wherafter finding the best way to act?
[14:52:50] Rhanite: Do you never, ever, accidentally let your temper, joy, whathaveyou, influence your actions by sheer spur-of-the-moment impulse
[14:54:01] Rhanite: because I know that sometimes, impulse happens for me at least. I'm falliable, I make mistakes - can't always at every second retain the presence of mind to be a perfect person.
[14:54:32] Rhanite: I get angry, say things I don't mean or things that I know should stay inside. I get happy and dance even though I look like a 'tard
[14:54:39] Fay P.: Yeah,and that's when what we trully think and feel is revealed
[14:54:53] Fay P.: if you got time to think,it's gone
[14:55:07] Rhanite: So you're telling me to choose without thinking
[14:55:23] Fay P.: Psychology 101, how to make someone show his true colours : don't give him time to think,ask about things he should be able to answer on autopilot
[14:55:44] Fay P.: That's not what I'm saying at all
[14:55:55] Rhanite: Then, do you always choose the right thing to do?
[14:56:03] Rhanite: Spur of the moment, without time to think
[14:56:08] Rhanite: do you never make the wrong choice?
[14:56:09] Rhanite: ever?
[14:56:16] Rhanite: just now and then, by accident?
[14:56:18] Fay P.: what's that got to do with what I'm trying to say???
[14:56:25] Fay P.: Ofc i make wrong choices,all the fucking time!
[14:57:10] Rhanite: But then why is it completely unacceptable for me to make a bad call, a wrong choice, and vent an emotional surge of misplaced ire even though I know that it was neither the right or the proper thing to do
[14:57:18] Rhanite: to keep to a relevant example
[14:58:59] Rhanite: If i refused to own it, then I completely agree it changes the situation. And neither am I refuting your right to be angry, offended or anything else afterwards.
[14:59:41] Fay P.: You're not listening to me. You're trying to refute what I say,no matter what.
[14:59:54] Rhanite: I'm trying to understand - because obviously I do not
[15:02:49] Rhanite: It would seem it is taking the form of refuting you, because it prompts you to extrapolate so an understanding can be met.
[15:04:53] Rhanite: [14:45] Fay P.:

<<< You mean all that stuff you say? Fucking act on it. How? By pausing for a freaking minute to think of the consequences of your actions.To this I argued that I am, much to my dismay, falliable. Sometimes impule or emotion overrules rationality. I'm not a machine.
[15:05:59] Fay P.: Mhm,and that's really worrying.
[15:06:11] Fay P.: The fact you gotta THINK about things like this. They should be automated.
[15:06:12] Rhanite: [14:50] Fay P.:

<<< Not for everyone god damn it!
Do I have to even spell this out?? YOU CHOOSE!
THAT'S how you show who you TRULLY care about!
If you care about someone, THEN you pause to think!To this I understand that not everyone is falliable? (ok, fair enough, but I've just admitted that I am)
And to the next I then ask if you - even when it is someone you care about - if you are in 100% complete control of your every emotion and response, no matter the circumstance
[15:11:38] Fay P.: This isn't about control,rationality,brain! This is emotion! First responses! And your first response was to put yourself first, crying about how I'm ruining your perfectly good day! Which shows shitloads about where you actually have me! Well I'm done with it! I'm done being nice when you don't even SEE what I'm doing,and all the effort I've put into trying to find a freaking way to keep some form of tie. You take it for granted,a given,'Fay will understand,Fay will hear me out, I can always go to her, feed on her,then go about my business with whomever else I find more fuckable". Well,newsflash,this stops,now.
[15:12:18] Fay P.: And I cannot believe I'm still discussing this,since I'm clearly in no position to do so. I'll go do something else.
[15:12:38] Rhanite: Allright, emotion then.
[15:22:25] Rhanite: Actually no. None of that. It seems that you've had a pretty well-formed opinion of me for a long time now - your description there is alittle too thought-out to be spur-of-the-moment. If you'd told me that is how you saw me, then I would have left you alone. If I make you feel that way, then I'll put an end to that.
[15:25:38] Rhanite: It is hurtful to know that you think I 'feed' on you. I made mistakes but I was just trying to do the best I could.
[15:42:19] Rhanite: Evidently I didn't make my choices right, with other troubles occupying my thoughts to an extent for which I should have been more aware, I guess. I was so busy worrying about Art of Crime, my brother and yes - my own financial situation - that I didn't take your feelings properly into consideration when I asked for your advice  - and I let stress get the better of me when you proceeded to reprimand me.