Cantar De Procella

Ionis says:

Never needed that...

You say about hunter

Φαίη says:

Yerp

Ionis says:

I say about caveman.

Φαίη says:

LOL!

Club her in the head and mate there and then?

Ionis says:

More like - find her cave.

and.. you know, just enter.

Hey, I like your cave

looks cozzy.

Φαίη says:

No knocking on the door?

or bringing flowers, some wine ?

Ionis says:

What door?

Φαίη says:

It s a metaphore!

Ionis says:

I know.

Φαίη says:

Not lighting up a fire ?

WHy the hell will she take you in then?

Ionis says:

There are no doors. It's an illusion.

cave? hole in the mountain.

Φαίη says:

stop pretending you re missing the point i m trying to make ;p

Ionis says:

Stop trying to use methaphors to say what you mean

Φαίη says:

Nooooooooooooooo!

I love them!

Tis the best way!

Ionis says:

okay.. lets put it like that - I'm a caveman, seek for a woman.

I'm with my left-wing caveman and my rig--

You!

I need to get you as my wingman

Φαίη says:

wingwoman

Ionis says:

today we almost nailed those two chicks

Φαίη says:

rawr!

Ionis says:

details.

Φαίη says:

Too bad i'm into men tho

Unless you got any nice friends

Ionis says:

Yeah.. two of them just got together, one of them dumped his previous girlfriend for her.

I'm still trying to get over it.

Φαίη says:

hey,i gotta go brush my teeth a minute..don t go anywhere! WHAT ???

THEY WENT GAY ON EACH OTHER ???

Ionis says:

... one was a girl

shhh..

okay, my story!

Φαίη says:

i m confused now

GAH! TEETH! brb while u write ;p

Ionis says:

I go with my 2 wingcavemen, we seek some girls, right?

I'm picky, I look at the girls like I was looking at a mammoth to hunt for. Okay, found a girl that has something I find attracting, maybe eyes, maybe smile, maybe she has pair of really big rooms in her cave.

I go there, talk to her, assess the situation, get to know her better. okay, she's not dumb, she can count to 5 - that's more than me, and she looks healthy.

Φαίη says:

*is reading*

Ionis says:

- Listen - I say - I'm looking for a fine girl to be with, right? I don't know is it you or not. But You seem like a great girl, and if you don't mind, I'd like to come to your cave, spent some time together. Yeah, cool, I'll be at the sunset, I'll bring some good DvD movie.

I bring some good movie - that's something with Meg Ryan

You've got mail - for example.

Φαίη says:

rofl!

Ionis says:

She always is into movies of impossible love can happen.

Also she's very unique actress.

I know what movie we watch, so I'm getting ready.

I read on stonepedia about that movie, and leading actors.

I know a lot about both, but I will say more about male lead actor, not female.

Female protagonist is never, ever my type of girl.

unless she looks just like the girl I'm trying to date.

Φαίη says:

Dear God, a whole freaking strategy!

Ionis says:

if that is the case - then I probably sleep and should wake up.

of course!

You don't assault the castle without being ready!

Φαίη says:

*laughs*

Okay at least i'm laughing here, go on

Ionis says:

You use shock troops, not some slow moving sining bards..

at the end of the evening, turns out I'm the smart caveman who know a lot about the movie, but don't show-off with it. Some little tips - maybe some trivia story.

If she makes some food, I will eat it.

if not, I will ask her can I order pizza.

Φαίη says:

No matter what?

Ionis says:

I can eat anything, I'm a caveman.

and I will ask for more.

Φαίη says:

LOL!

Ionis says:

Date is over, I act like as a caveman of the year.

I don't let her believe I will kiss her for goodbye. No.

If I really like this girl - and some movies can tell you a lot about people who watch it.

I arrange another meeting. Still formal.

This time, we can meet in a cave of her friend?

I need to know her friends

their relations are important to see how she acts with people she knows and trust

and how different it is from how she acts around me.

If she seams like a good female, I'll enter the most important stage - attack

Sometimes I wait with that for a good moment.

A week two.

Then I grab my club, the spiked one.

And on arranged meeting I'm doing the famous "I'll understand if you say no, we don't know each other for that long..."

Which is true, of course.

Tone of voice - "tough guy opening up"

Still trying to speak in formal way, this cold exterior.

But I do longer breaks, I think what to say.

looking away with eyes.

and then the "sigh" moment.

look in her eyes.

and say something so simple and undefendable

she cannot resist

like...

"You have nice cave."

or..

"You smell like dead mammoth"

Φαίη says:

ROFL!

Ionis says:

Simple, always simple.

You meet a girl, you like her, you tell her that.

meanwhile you lead your own mindgame to make sure she's not faking

and choose proper way of attack.

She really liked that I enjoyed something she cooked?

okay - you attack on the line of "I'd like to have a place I can call home, some place.. warm, you know?"

It looks simple, it must look almost natural.

Φαίη says:

*is speechless*

Ionis says:

I don't think of myself as a hunter. I'm a killer

Playing around, maybe I like you, maybe I don’t.

I like you, I tell you that.

When I don't - I'll tell you this isn't working out, sorry for wasting your time.

If it works - I use any weapon I have to accept me inside.

Φαίη says:

Even if that means you'll have to show a face that's not you ?

Even if you have to wear a mask?

Ionis says:

But that is me - the most basic me.

I love to know things

I love to be honest.

and you know I will tell her about all the preparations I did

and she will like it

cause she'll feel I made it cause I thought she was special.

Φαίη says:

Isn't that the equivalent of doing anything to win her over?

Showing someone you're not?

She'll know, and you'll lose her, and you'll be a hypocrite

Ionis says:

That depends on perspective.

once you have a foothold.

You can take down the shields, and put very clearly many things.

Why I was trying to make best impression? Cause I wanted you to like me. Yeah, I tried to make myself better than I'm - but we all try to do that. Wearing bones in our noses.

Φαίη says:

You want me to like you cause you want me, right? Cause you want my love?

Not just for the conquering

Not just to win the battle

Ionis says:

This is more of a.. no, not just to win the battle - this is about.. winning the war

no, not good analogy.

battle and conquer, even war, means you will do more of it.

This is more of a one time thing.

You cannot have 2 caves at once.

Φαίη says:

If it was me you were after and you acted like that, I would like you, i would wanna see you again, and again, and again, but at some point, I would have to see whether you put your money where your mouth is, i.e. look at your actions. And if your actions told a different story, then hide cause hell has no fury like a woman scorned

and if in the meantime i had also loved you, then you d be a prick as well

Ionis says:

okay, okay.. wait a moment.

now you completly lost me.

Are we still going after the same line of "cave" world stage two - or you're talking about you and me now.

Φαίη says:

cave world stage two

you and me don't exist

Ionis says:

you see how much problem there is with those methaphores?

Φαίη says:

just go on

Ionis says:

Well, first of all - I'd learn pretty fast if a girl is worth the time. And no, not to score.

if she isn't - then we both just loose time.

If she's, and if she's strong enough to attack first.

force me to declaration of any sort.

She would get excactly what she asked for, what would it be? Depends on what I feel.

I would probably admire you more, if you didn't wait for me.

If you put up a fight as peer.

This is one of most basic things - I know you don't like something

I propose I order it.

if you say nothing and accept my choice - red light.

5 years from now you blame me for all that is going wrong, cause you were passive all the time and I had to do all the choices.

and I'm not daddy 2.0.

Φαίη says:

How the HELL does a 25 year old guy KNOW all this????????

How many women have you been with, seriously!

Ionis says:

eh.

I'm a smart kid.

Φαίη says:

Very.

Go on.

Ionis says:

I will break into the main courtyard, if I like you enough.

if you tell me "no" - I will know it before I attack, and I won’t attack.

It's.. the way you sit next to someone

tell you how someone feel about you.

Φαίη says:

If I don't know what I want yet and say neither yes nor no? What do you do then?

Ionis says:

Well, if you're not sure - that means either you have some issues, you were wounded before and are afraid of being hurt again, or you just.. don't know.

if you really, trully don't know? Then I start to question reason to attack.

You may just need more time - yeah, I can get that, but this is mostly related to some issues you had before.

Sometimes I don't know means - choose for me - means daddy 2.0.

this is the "no go" point.

But if you had some hard relationships behind you -- I'm home.

You will open the door for me, I don't have to attack. Probably attack would make you scare more than you are already.

The fight - since this is my methaphore - goes to other level.

are you nervous? You're afraid of getting involved, aren’t you?

Well, I don't want to hurt you, trying to get closer to you.

Then you add some self irony.

"Well, I'm a guy too, but I'll try not to put your cat in a washing machine"

There's something in every person who is hurt

to make the pain go away

and talking about it is a way to do it.

Suiciders leave notes

to vent some pain, and.. may be someone will save them.

Those who die without leaving anything are trully lost.

and there's this hope, that by telling someone something, he won't do same thing

just for the sake of being orignal

Φαίη says:

heh

Ionis says:

I... know that I'm just overthinking things often.

and don't use the romantic momentum when it comes.

But I have every reason to do it, in my book.

I don't want to get hurt, I don't want to hurt you.

I just want to find out, if I can see you next to me 20 years from now.

If I do. I'm going in. Charge the main gate with best weapon I can find.

end justifies the means - and this, however bad it sounds, I find romantic.

If I can make you happy, I will know it.

I will learn to walk with you around shops when you buy stuff

Φαίη says:

But you re showing me something that isn't you!

All I want is to get to know YOU, love YOU!

Ionis says:

This will come with time.

You can't love someone you don't know - this can be chemistry.

I do not believe in love from first sight

and I don't trust it.

Φαίη says:

What if I've seen through all your stratagems ?

Ionis says:

Just put in tow bars of stardust

Just hang out one silly moon.

Φαίη says:

What if i 've managed to glance at your soul through all this and I’ve loved you?

Ionis says:

You will earn my respect.

Φαίη says:

If I have your respect and your love, why will you hurt me in the end?

Why will you cheat?

Ionis says:

Because... Despite all the brave and great things I can say about myself.

I'm nothing more than a human.

And I will use the best defense ever made - humans make mistakes.

they do what they shouldn't. They love those who they should leave alone.

And this makes us immune to responsibility for what we do.

Cause we have right to be wrong.

Ionis says:

Because... Despite all the brave and great things I can say about myself.

I'm nothing more than a human.

And I will use the best defense ever made - humans make mistakes.

they do what they shouldn't. They love those who they should leave alone.

And this makes us immune to responsibility for what we do.

Cause we have right to be wrong.

This wasn't it. I was looking for something else. I can't... I don't..

we, the brave knights who storm your gates

now can't and don't.

So we run, to hide our shame.

To forget we lost.

Φαίη says:

Lost..?

Ionis says:

Maybe we didn't lose? We won?

We escaped from a trap that this castle was?

(I'm.. sorry, I cannot really comply with your question.. )

We cheat because.. we don't care anymore.

I cheat, because I don't see future with you.

I cheat because... I'm stupid dickhead

(yeah, well, my mind is overheated...)

Φαίη says:

But you did love me and I know it. You go to a woman you feel nothing for, one you find boring, all she can give you is her body. You know it's not enough, you know you're still haunted by what we shared, you cannot even bring someone else in the room we've slept together in, and despite all this, you just... stop caring?

Like that? You turn off a switch and that's it ?

You see no future with me, you feel trapped in a prison YOU created, by trying to be the man you thought I wanted you to be whereas all I wanted was you.

And this wears you out, but instead of fighting for the castle ,you give up and pack up, and in the worst way.

Ionis says:

So, what you want me to do? Weap over you, try to patch up something we both know won't work? Maybe that's what I want now? Someone who feels nothing, whom I don't care about and I never will, and she knows it. This is just what it is. Yeah - I will never replace what we had. But would you like me to stay even if I don't want to? Just to humour you?

I'm sorry.. I know you don't believe me, but I'm. I never wanted to hurt you

never wanted this to end like that.

Φαίη says:

Pawel, give me a moment please..I can't...

Ionis says:

You tell me you cant? Really?

Φαίη says:

I'm sorry,but i m crying

Ionis says:

You pulled me into defending position I despite.

Pull yourself together Fay.

I want to talk to you, not Fay-Alex, but Fay-Pawel for a moment, let me know when you're in shape.

Φαίη says:

I cannot believe this is happening, and the way it is happening, and that it's you that illuminates the scene so much

I can t even fucking believe this

What you do, is what -I- do when i tallk to people.

I am a master at understanding the female side

You are at the male one.

Ionis says:

I want you, to calm down now, really.

Φαίη says:

*nods*

Ionis says:

I'm a smart kid, even very

He.. ran away, he was afraid of being trapped in something that he thought can't work. But.. if you think I understand this... I don't know.

There's more to every man.. their pride, their honour.

Φαίη says:

Their age.

Ionis says:

Something that don't come from their nature.

Was he younger?

Φαίη says:

Too much.

That's why I knew from day 1 it would never work.

Ionis says:

Younger than me?

Φαίη says:

Yes.

Ionis says:

Yes...

Okay, I'll give you professional advice now. as professional as I can.

I'm not a profesionalist, so it won't be that good, but I'll do my best.

You may blame him, but you blame yourself too - that you let this happen. You need to realize which of those emotions are more important to deal with. You're lonely person, not in this "everyday" mode, but deep inside. You are pissed off you had to trust someone who wasn't worth it, just because he was there. And he wanted to be there for you. Of course - but he never thought how much of you there is.

You need to find a proper perspective, and if you can't do it on your own, you need friends, real friends to show you that.

You need to put this in healthy context

Φαίη says:

Can I give you some vital information?

It s the least i can do, after everything you re doing for me.

Ionis says:

Please.

Φαίη says:

Remember,when i met you, i was living in Scotland still.

Ionis says:

yeah, remember that.

Φαίη says:

That s when i started playing wow, in an effort to have -some- communication with people , being Greek, it was hell for me up there.

I met Alex on wow. I didn't even like him in the beginning.

Left Triden cause i hated his guts.

On other characters, without knowing it’s us, we Role Played. A lot. We started talking OOC, spending tremendous amounts of time together, then talking on ventrilo, then camera.

He was 18, i was thirty three.

I came to Greece meanwhile.

i was a wreck.

Exhausted,mentally and physically. Wow kept me sane while i was recuperating. The amount I spent with Alex was tremendous, every day, every night. He came after me like no guy ever had. I resisted, refused, the distances were too great. 15 years of age, he’s Norwegian i m Greek, i met him on wow for christ’s sake.

He persisted, he was infatuated with me, he thought he was in love. Anyway, at some point, something happened and for the first time in my life i thought i was going to die.

For real.

I canot describe the feeling. I really thought i was going to die. So i said, fuck it, I’ll give this a try.

I went to Norway.

Met him. We hit it off instantly.

A year passed, with travels to Norway and Greece, spending as much time together as possible, even on wow on vent , watching movies...Till last month. Things had started to wither, i could see it.

Had some major issues, the distances were too great, on many things. I ended it when i caught him ERPing on wow.

As pathetic as that sounds.

I know he’s with a girl IRL as well, at least he claims so. But only as..fuck buddies.

End of story.

Ionis says:

yeah, I'm not sure what to say

give me moment, it will come to me.

Listen, you had every right to fall in love.

There's nothing bad in it.

What you shouldn't do is put so much of yourself in it.

Love forever and ever, with nothing that can stop you - it seams great. But.. no one should.

no one after he leaves highschool.

or.. university.

You need to regain balance, one that you lost to even start this relationship.

Φαίη says:

Pawel, this is who I am. When I love someone, it's real, not the superficial, shallow kind. Call me stupid, immature, naive, but I really loved this guy. And no, I'm not depressed, I'm not gonna kill myself, but I am hurt and it's normal.

I spent a year with him, and it took 7-8 months before that for him to actually get me

Ionis says:

Yeah, I'm not afraid you'll kill yourself.

Φαίη says:

I love slow,but deep.

Ionis says:

Okay, I get all of that - but you need to have some defense systems. Some failsafe - I like this word.

And.. yeah, I know, it's easy to say, right?

Very easy.

Φαίη says:

I'm starting to believe the only REAL failsafe is to acknowledge the pain, accept it, let it run its course into sorrow and mourning, and then you heal.

Ionis says:

This is how it goes - you'll just have to do it the hard way.

Φαίη says:

Story of my life

Ionis says:

Heard worse ones, you're just.. trying to get from life what it has.

I would call it.. reckless, but I admire you..

just to let go.

Don't know if I have courage just to.. go for something.

Φαίη says:

There's one more thing you don't know.

Ionis says:

Yes, just the one.

I know all else

Φαίη says:

lol!

About me in this story i mean

Something very personal that, after the talk we’ve had, might as well say it and be done with.

Ionis says:

I therfore declare "no judgment" zone

Φαίη says:

He was the *undisclosed information*. Yeah, at 33. No, i m not some ugly cripple mentally disabled paraplegic woman with no life and no friends.

And yeah I had..fooled around with guys before and fallen in love and and and..

Ionis says:

and it's okay.

But I see why this.. makes things worse.

Φαίη says:

*nod*

Φαίη says:

...

Ionis says:

Well, if you want me to roleplay someone.

just let me know who.

It's.. stupid, but at the end I was really getting into it.

Φαίη says:

You were spot on.

That defensive thing, the one you said you hated it..was it you talking ?

Kinda lost it there

Ionis says:

it was... I'm not sure.

Φαίη says:

kk

Ionis says:

but at that point I was angry.

not at you.. but..

Φαίη says:

Why angry?

Cause i couldn’t understand?

Ionis says:

give me moment, we're up to something.

Φαίη says:

kk

Ionis says:

I was angry, that you made some part of me feel that way with your questions.

I was angry at the girl i was roleplaying with, that.. she want something from me, I can't give.

that.. she just wanted answers, and I had none.

I couldn't change the past, I couldn't repair it.

nothing I could do could make it better.

Φαίη says:

Was she not entitled to answers though?

Ionis says:

From my point of view? I had little to tell her, but I was put against the wall

She.. deserved the answer.

But she asked me for something I couldn't give her.

I.. didn't really felt blame, per say.

More like.. cleaning up something from the past, something we both maybe needed...

or maybe just she?

For me.. it was over, done, cut.

Φαίη says:

I just...