Cantar De Procella

I miss the "togetherness". I miss your smile and your face, I miss the sensation of your body close to mine. I miss your scent and your touch, I miss the look you had on your face when you were approaching me to lead me, having me walk backwards, to bed.

I don't want you back.

But I'd be lying if I said I don't miss you.

I miss being in love, I miss the way I felt, the way I was.

I like myself more when I'm in love.

Needy, you called me.

You fool.

The time it took you to get me, the effort you put into it, the way I was, are those signs of a needy person?
Relationships change, and yes, after a year, I gotta admit, I started needing you.
And yeah, my life's not peachy, I have problems.
But you know what?
I deal with them.

I break, I cry, I despair, but I DEAL with them.

You didn't wanna be there. Simple as that.

Can you please get out of my fucking head though? Pretty please? Sugar on top and everything? I can't stand this, I have all these images haunting me still, I was in Varvara's place the other day and just being there,it killed me, I could not even go near the bedroom, the images were just flooding me. I see you, I feel you, you're still with me, inside of me, and I don't want this, get out,please get the fuck out and leave me alone. I've hurt enough, I don't want to be shred to pieces again, you took a part of me away, one I'll never get back, but now I know, now I'll be aware, for when the next one comes. It bothers me, I know what you do and who you do it with, and it stings, it stings bad, it makes me want to hurt you back tenfold, not caring whether i lose myself in the process. My emotions are healthily alive and blood-red, fueled by passion, I KNOW what and who I am, I KNOW my limitations,and I know that when I give in to sin, I'm still a good person,I'm still me.

I could never hurt you. It's beyond me. Not you or anyone else.
May be if i had a gun in my head i would.
Otherwise, no.


GOD, WHY DO I HAVE TO HURT SO MUCH! WHY CAN'T I, FOR ONCE, GET SOMETHING THE EASY WAY, WHY MUST I ALWAYS SUFFER THIS WAY TO LEARN? HELP ME, YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW DAMN YOU, HELP ME SEE WHAT I'M DOING WRONG AND TRY AND CHANGE, I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE ANY MORE!