Cantar De Procella

Easy to manipulate..

You are SUCH an imbecile indeed. And a weakling at that. Ever crossed your immature, short-sighted mind that being open and allowing you to read me is true strength? Not to mention the only way to deal with someone as controlling and manipulative as you. Ever thought what would have happened if I was manipulative as well, you moron? If I had the same need you do to try and bullshit people, by telling them what they want to hear all the time, just so you can get what you want? No, of course not.

Why do you think it took you so long to get me you stupid git? Huh? Why do you think you had to try SO hard? Do you remember my first impression of you? I HATED YOUR GUTS! I left freaking Triden cause I couldn't STAND your pathetic whining and that NEED you had to always be the center of attention, even if that meant exposing yourself in the most ridiculous of ways! And then you dared call ME an attention seeker! You have such a need to feel you are SEEN and ACCEPTED you'll do anything, betray, put up a show, hurt, make a fool of yourself, whatever! No personal criteria, no spine, you just wanna go with the flow, play it safe, feel you're one with the rest of the flock. "He tries to please them all, this bitter man he is". You are trully pathetic, and you dare call ME that, me that I go my own way and have been ever since I can remember, me whose strength and personal integrity you will NEVER even so much as GRASP.

If MS hadn't hit, and scared the living light out of me, I would have NEVER been yours. NEVER. That made me decide to give it a try, nothing else. Ask anyone who knows the story and knows me, when that happened, that's when I told myself "Give it a try". It was not your stupid, pathetic atttempts to get me that did it in the end, it was my and my decision alone. You think you conquered and won me over? Seriously? Yeah, I did love you in the end, but as I had been trying to tell you from the first night we spent together what I fell in love with was the person I could still see BEHIND and BEYOND all that BULLSHIT, the little you that was worth something.

Well ,the bullshit won alright. They consumed you. Typical.

How many times did I tell you that I knew from day one this would never work? Why do you think I was telling you that you stupid, STUPID twat, cause of the reasons I was mentioning to you only? Yeah they were valid and plausible and you believed them of course, but there was another major one as well : I could see the major, MAJOR issues you have. So why didn't I just leave? Well, see, I'm the kind of person that doesn't pack up and go at the first sign of a hard spot. I fight for it. I value my life and my time here, I don't wanna waste it by giving up easily and starting all over again and again and again, till my days are spent and realize a moment before I die that I haven't actually lived cause I was always running away like you do. I was willing to try, and change, and adapt, and grow, and do what I could for my part. That's strength for ya, right there. I go when I see that I am fighting alone. But not before.

The last time I was there, I could feel it. It was gone, dead. I was trying hard to understand what had changed, for your part,cause I knew mine alright. And here you come now telling me that you weren't even attracted to me, that you were embarassed to go out with me, that you didn't want your friends to see us together.

Right.

I cannot even BEGIN to describe what a joke that claim is, especially from you, especially when taking into consideration that YOU initiated this relationship in the first place. You had self-esteem issues back then and you thought you couldn't do any better huh? *laughs* What about now, then. How's your self-esteem now, you hypocrite? All of a sudden you like yourself and you have a life and you go out and you managed to actually relate to someone IRL? Did you manage to get turned on by something else than a pixel too? Something that has flaws and doesn't come from a world that doesn't exist? An arse that's pimply and not good-looking but belongs to a person that touches you SO DEEPLY you just don't give a damn? A person who's there for you no matter what, supporting you, appreciating you, loving you for real? I'm the same person I was when you met me, I didn't change. I looked the same. What changed was YOU, but you are SO blind when it comes to realizing how you feel and what you want that you couldn't even figure that one out. So you ended up looking at me and going "Oh my God, she's so ugly, wtf am I doing here". And you think you're a smart one. YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW YOURSELF YOU MORON! Changes happen inside of you and you don't even see them, you are so busy manipulating others you don't even DARE look inside of you, cause you're so SCARED of the bottomless pit that exists there, the zombies and the monsters and the TERROR, that you'd just rather find someone else to dish this out on! I'm ugly??? WHAT ARE YOU THEN!

Go ahead, go find yourself the most stunning, drop-dead gorgeous woman of all times, one that your friends will approve of, one they'll like enough to accept you, a trophy-lady. Go RIGHT ahead. And then bring this to mind when, years later, you are taking pills to fight off major depression, or you look around you and you find meaning in NOTHING, and you realize that even though you are surrounded by people, you are trully and utterly alone.

GO RIGHT AHEAD.

I'm busy. I'm loved. For real.

The BULLSHIT I put up with, just so not to hurt you, Christ. Your immaturity, your short-sightedness, your downright RIDICULOUS ignorance on anything that's important, your endless, limitless fear of ANYTHING real, ANYTHING that could actually evoke a REAL reaction in you,no, it always had to be cushioned by some sort of disillusion. The firstmost one, that of control. I always went silent, or dodged it with humour. On some occasion I would talk with you, in a nice, civililzed way, show respect to your views, of course, and feel dead freaked inside, at how FUCKED UP you really are. Your HYPOCRICY, my GOD that was a big one, you would FLAME me for things I did and they were things you were doing yourself, all the freaking time you would only see what I did and NEVER, NEVER notice YOUR actions, even when I pointed it out , you would turn a blind eye, not wanting to see yourself, NOT STANDING BEING YOURSELF, and not even standing seeing parts of yourself on me. So, what do you do? Do you self-reflect? No, you flame ME and try to pin YOUR traits on me.

You don't know what self-esteem and self-respect is you moron. You cannot STAND yourself! And with good reason, you're a deformed, fucked up, pathetic excuse for a man. No,wait,man? Try boy. You think it's by chance that so many people have told you you have something gay on you? Think again. It's the lack of SPINE that gives you that trait, you have NO BALLS WHATSOEVER.

So why did I bother?

Well...two things. One, the panic. Two, my need to fix things. Where things= people sometimes. But Christ have I learned.

I would have come to end it. Properly.

You ripped me apart. You weren't worth it.

Regrets? Nah.

Would have loved to laugh to your face though, I'll admit to that. When I think all this, I just laugh so hard, it trully is a joke, your behaviour. I could hardly contain myself when we were talking as well, it was just so hilarious, you are so pathetic I cannot even take you seriously any more.

So why do I still bother? Why do I still write?

Ah. Well.

Closure.





*purses lips*

HUGS AND KISSES!
MWAAAAAAAAAAH!